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Hackers Sabotage S.A.S. We Overcome.

by Conrad Evarts   |  August 22nd, 2011 8
Sign of "High Life" for Skitch, the Mount Helena Sasquatch.

Sign of "High Life" for Skitch, the Mount Helena Sasquatch.

“Bigfoot Caught on Tape in Den” This is a game changer of a headline in our world, the world of Sasquatch Integration. Throughout the years of Sasquatch sightings, it is always video or film of Sasquatches walking. Through careful tracking and research, we changed all that. We stalked in and obtained this incredible video of Skitch in his den. This video is shocking and gives us insights that will not only propel the mission of Sasquatch integration into a new era, but also clearly show that Skitch is doing his own research on us and what it takes to live among us. This is more effort than certain East African immigrants from a nation known for its pirating ways make. I won’t name names, but it rhymes with Thomalia. What we see here in this video indicates we don’t need to worry about Sasquatch isolation in all

He's clearly aware of our efforts. Contact can't be far off.

Sasquatch ghettos refusing to learn the language or the customs, nor will we be cursed with ATM’s that have one more language selection and politically correct, Sasquatch accessible buttons the size of hubcaps.

A few things you’ll notice in the video that indicates his readiness for assimilation are:

1) The wig. He’s trying to cover his trademark drive in theater sized forehead.

2) John Cougar Mellencamp CD. He’s trying.

3)Ugg Boots. He’s trying and failing.

4) Magazines.

On the outside looking in on our culture. Heartbreaking.

All this being said, this amazing video clearly incited the anti-Sasquatchists. They moved into action but remain hidden behind their keyboards like the cowards they are. This groundbreaking blog was meant to be posted last Monday while I was in Scotland, but due to intense hacking efforts it was delayed for a solid week until I could get home and handle the situation. So here it is. Prepare to have your paradigm shifted forever.

A cry for help.

By the way, while in Scotland, I did engage in some high level talks with the Loch Ness Monster Assimilation Society. Our talks of cooperation and becoming sister organizations collapsed after I told them they sounded like pirates and I couldn’t understand anything they said. Frankly, lets be real here, there’s no Loch Ness Monster. There I said it. You’re welcome.

  • Sherrill Neese



    I live on the edge of Barton Creek in Austin, Tx a prime area for the Sasquatsh. Very rough with caves could afford Sasquatsh great habitat. In keeping with the bumper sticker of "Keep Austin Weird", should Sas be captured we could let him ride his on bike downtown with a pink thong….

  • H. Swoggle

    Is this some kind of joke, seriously? A formerly good hunting mag, now reduced to a level of stupidity that would make any good writer refuse to be assocaited with it. I am glad I didn't renew, THIS IS WHY!

    • Conrad Evarts

      Dearest, Horn Swoggle,

      Normally I would not pull back the curtain like this, but I am a humorist, and your tragic lack of a sense of humor pains me enough that I'm compelled to as a public service.

      Yes. This is a joke. There you have it. I revealed the best kept secret in the outdoor media. That is a man inside one of the cheapest, most obvious bigfoot costumes ever manufactured. Not "seriously", there is nothing serious about it, it is a joke. Now, thanks to my kind heart you too are in on the joke that every other fan of this blog was already in on. You're welcome.

      Now on to your other points. There is nothing "former" about our magazine being "good", it never was "good" it has always been and continues to be one of the greatest hunting magazines published.

      Good writers, people who for example know how to spell the word "associated", continue to be associated with the magazine. We have inarguably the greatest stable of writers and personalities in the industry based on credibility, ethics, notoriety, longevity and experience. None of them are refusing to be associated simply because I create what is the equivalent of a comic strip or humor column.

      My blog is intended to be humorous. Most great and credible publications inside and outside our genre include humor essays, cartoons and comics in their products. Most readers are able to discern the difference. We can say things with humor that are impossible to say without humor. Humor in the form of satire is a treasured aspect of Americana and our history as a people. Frankly, I'm a little concerned that this joke was not clear to you. One of the most striking symptoms of a personality disorder is the inability to appreciate humor.

      Additionally, this is not in the magazine. This is a blog on the website. Blogs are a completely different medium and have different objectives. Mine is clearly stated in my bio:

      You're on the website. You went to the trouble of creating an account in order to post this comment. This is considered a high level of commitment in tracking interest of visitors. This indicates to me that your are still interested in the content our brand provides, but that you've found a way to get it without paying the subscription. Logic doesn't permit that you can choose not to renew based on a blog you read after you didn't renew. Unless of course you have a time machine that allowed you to go back and not renew in the past after reading and viewing my blog. If you do have a time machine, please loan it to me so I can go warn your youthful parents that they are about to make a huge mistake in conceiving you.

      I'm exhausted now, I'm going to take a nap.

    • Ron H

      This guy has some hidden issues that he does not even know about.

  • http://aol ED ISRAEL BUSH PILOT

    i have wonderful pictures of a 8 1/2 foot brown bear i killed

    on kodiak island do you wand my story of the hunt


  • F Johnson

    Well with a attitude like all us guys that did renew want you to know that you need to lighten up. Everybody needs a little humor in their lives.

    • Ron H


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