Awesome Redneck Moment of the Week
We rednecks will be first to admit those double-wides we call home ain’t exactly the Ritz. It’s a little cramped, the wood paneling is coming off and the tires are a little flat. It’s OK to admit every once in a while we dream of living it up like them fellas in that Gatsby movie. Big houses, fancy cars and wild parties are certainly up the redneck alley, but some of these fancy-pants mansions seem a little too uptight for our tastes. If only there was a mansion that truly reflected on our redneck culture.
Now that’s more like it. With this redneck mansion, you can have all the space and storage you’ve always wanted with the mobility of your trailer—or in this case, trailers. Best of all, if you get tired of the neighborhood and that lousy homeowners’ association—we still say it’s perfectly acceptable to skin a deer in our front yard—just get a few buddies to hitch up the trailers—or rooms—and move on to the next subdivision. Sure, this redneck mansion is an oldie, but it sure is a goodie, and it still gives us rednecks something to strive for in life.
For your redneck brother who
is about to make the biggest mistake of his life is blessed enough to enter the sacred bonds of holy matrimony, there’s no better way to mourn his poor life choice celebrate this exciting new journey with the love of his life than to throw him a good old fashioned bachelor party. Before you get wild with liquor and women with loose morals, though, it’s important to offer some brotherly advice on adjusting to this new chapter in his life—and the best way to do that is to blow up his RV.
Yessir, his old bachelor pad ain’t fit to raise a family in, so lace that sucker with some TNT and enjoy the fireworks. From now on, brother, you’ll be raising rugrats in a double-wide. God
give you strength bless you and your family.
Is there any fall activity more enjoyable than a good ole’ bonfire? Just imagining gathering around with your friends and family, basking in the warm glow of a burning heap of brush and lumber during a crisp, cool, autumn evening is just enough to get us all excited for hot cider, flannel, and best of all, hunting season. But starting your bonfire can be a bit of a challenge; sometimes that kindling just doesn’t wanna burn. Getting the fire going with a little help is always a plus, though, and luckily for these boys, they had plenty of gasoline on hand to light up their bonfire—as well as their lawn and corn field. But for Pete’s sake, don’t stand so close when you’re lightin’ the darn thing, and have a fire extinguisher handy if you’re crops are flammable.
If there’s anything we rednecks love more than our women, beer and country music, it’s gotta be our trucks. To a true redneck, the pickup truck is an extension of one’s own self, a testament to a redneck’s manliness and down-home roots. But what do you do with your truck when your old lady starts pumping out a litter of little rednecks? After all, you’ve gotta be able to get the kids around somehow, and the law frowns on just throwing them in the bed of the truck.
Consider this a solution to a problem. The redneck mini-pickup-van is the best of both worlds, offering the passenger space of a minivan with the distinct look of your old pickup. Petersen’s HUNTING: Problem solvers.
If there’s one word that describes us rednecks, it’s innovative. If one of our favorite pastimes gets in the way of the other, we simply find a way to combine our two loves. So when we’re ready to ditch the family reunion down at the lake for a little fishin’, but we haven’t quite yet finished eating, what do we do? Simple: Take the table with us.
Just by attaching a couple pontoons and a trolling motor, these fellas took their picnic table and made it seaworthy—or at least lakeworthy.
Take a full meal with you—fried chicken, mashed potatoes, biscuits and Mama’s famous cherry pie—while you cast a line without having to clear a little room in your bass boat’s live well.
Best of all, if that motor should run out of juice, just use the umbrella as a sail and catch a gust of wind back to shore. All this needs is some wheels to make it the ultimate redneck amphibious vehicle.
… Say, a light bulb just turned on.
If you’re anything like us, you yearn to expand your estate to cover a little more ground. Of course, knockin’ down a few walls will set you back a pretty penny, and you’ll be lucky to afford some nice wall hangin’s—deer heads, mounted bass, beer signs, whathaveyou—to spruce the place up a little bit.
Well it’s like our daddies used to say, “Work smarter, not harder.” These boys figured out the quickest way to tear through a couple of walls with a little help from that old beater they’d probably been trying to get rid of anyway. Just haul the double-wide down to the railroad tracks, fire up the engine and let ‘er rip. Soon enough, you’ll be on the fast track to fancy livin’ with all that extra room for extra livin’ space.
Nothing says “trashy redneck” like the TV show Here Comes Honey Boo Boo. With a cast of characters like Mama June, Sugar Bear, Pumpkin, Chicadee and Chubbs—all centered around Honey Boo Boo’s little miss pageant lifestyle—this show is truly cringe-worthy material.
That didn’t stop Mama June, however, from publicizing her latest stunt via People Magazine, a wedding ceremony replete with camo dresses, blaze orange vests for the men and Honey Boo Boo herself in a pink princess getup. If you suddenly feel sick to your stomach, you’re not alone.
Mama June told People she exchanged vows with Honey Boo Boo’s dad, Sugar Bear, though it’s unclear whether it was a vow renewal service or an official wedding. In epic redneck fashion, Mama June also said she met Sugar Bear in an online chat room 9 years ago.
Mama June told People, “We stayed true to our roots and made the focus on the family and my commitment to Sugar Bear.”
Enter Arcangelo Bianco Jr., of Indiana, Pa., who spotted a 10-point passing through the Walmart parking lot while he was on his way to do some shopping. Thinking quickly, Bianco grabbed a handgun from his truck and chased the buck around the corner of the building, firing multiple rounds at the deer. He pursued the deer across a nearby highway, according to the Indiana Gazette, where he finished it off, loaded it into his truck and took it to a meat packing shop for processing.
Law enforcement officials got involved when concerned shoppers—busy with Thanksgiving shopping—called 911 to report a man running through the Walmart parking lot firing a weapon at a deer.
Unfortunately for Bianco, the whole thing was also recorded on video surveillance cameras posted outside of the building. Bianco faces charges for misdemeanor reckless endangerment and a handful of hunting violations. He stands accused of hunting without a license, but not for hunting out of season—he killed the buck last November during Pennsylvania whitetail season.
“Obviously we can’t have someone running through a Walmart parking lot shooting at a deer,” Jack Lucas, the wildlife officer investigating the case, told the Gazette. “It was the nicest buck I’ve seen in Indiana County in a couple of years.”
If you thought debonair looking fellows in fine clothes and tuxedos were above turning skeet shooting into the ultimate in redneck tomfoolery, you’d be wrong.
The gents in the video “How Real Men Shoot Skeet” took redneck manliness to a new level with human-sized clay pigeons, a tank and a good dose of manly exultation when the earth shakes and the clays shatter. Listen—if you can’t strap on a helmet and leave a few craters in the landscape while knocking down your targets, you’re missing out.
Taking a Weird Al-like spin on the recent Korean hit by Psy, “Gangnam Style,” a few Kansas farm boys filmed “Farmer Style,” a rap-umentary of life on the American plains.
That’s enough to make you famous in Kansas, where the Peterson brothers call home. Greg, Nathan and Kendal first got their start with “I’m Farming and I Grow It,” a parody of LMFAO’s “I’m Sexy and I Know It” released earlier this year. Their first YouTube hit garnered nearly 8 million views, while Farmer Style—now in its second week—is already at 7.7 million views.
Students at Kansas State in Manhattan, Kan., the two older Peterson brothers were recently honored at a K-State halftime show for their agricultural rap video. They apparently made the film over Thanksgiving break and released it shortly afterward.
“The last one we didn’t know it was going to go so big,” Nathan told KSN News. “[The halftime show] was a lot of fun, we’ve always been big K-State fans.”
With dancing farmhands and hay a-flyin’, “Farmer Style” is the ultimate redneck moment of the week.
There are times in the life of a redneck when you just can’t find the right way to tap into your inner competitor and at the same time utterly make a fool of yourself. So it would seem some people pour all their creative resources into doing just that, which brings us to our redneck moment of the week—pig calling at the state fair.
While the rest of the culture has things like American Idol and The Voice to showcase it’s talents (or to win a prized place in reject infamy), here in the redneck sphere we prefer things a little less, shall we say, tame. Carrie Underwood move over, Miss Piggy has the stage.
Awesome Redneck Moment of the Week: Aug. 5
Who are you kidding? You aren’t in nearly as good of shape as some of them Olympic athletes you see on TV. Why, most of us probably find it enough of a chore to walk from the couch to the ole’ tube whenever we lose the remote. But boy, we can really put on some kinda show when we want, especially when there’s a swimming hole involved — which in most cases is an umbrella term meaning any body of water, big or small.
So when we see that big ole’ mud puddle, it’s just second nature to strip down to our britches, grab our favorite girl and take a running dive in. Afterward, we’ll be honored with the gold medal while the radio in some feller’s truck plays “Dixie.”
Awesome Redneck Moment of the Week: July 16
Now we rednecks are a proud breed with simple tastes. We like our beer cold, chicken wings hot and our women even hotter. But now and then we like to live it up and feel like one of them Hollywood types with their fancy cars, designer clothes and indoor plumbing. After all, ain’t that the American dream?
Well, this fella right here is livin’ that dream. We’ve had our fair share of R&R, but to soak it up in a hot tub, firing off a few rounds while sippin’ on a cold one? Now THAT is the height of luxury.
Awesome Redneck Moment of the Week: July 2
A few of the fellas over at our sister magazine, Guns & Ammo, recently took a trip to Morristown, Minn., for the largest zombie shoot in the country, Outbreak Omega 5, hosted by DPMS Panther Arms. Killing zombies is certainly a different kind of hunting, and the participants up there had a heck of a time tac-ing out in the most creative ways we’ve seen.
But imagine their surprise when this beaut rolled up. This machine gun lawn mower, fitted with a couple ammo boxes and a Louisville Slugger, is a zombie-killing machine, and perfect for mowing down a few brain-munchers (get it?).
Awesome Redneck Moment of the Week: June 18
A trip to the amusement park can really be a pain in the you-know-what. Oh sure, the rides are fine and dandy, assuming you haven’t already filled up on hot dogs and draft beer at the concession stand, but between the long lines and reee-diculous prices, most of us would rather spend our time at home — and if you have the right equipment, you’ll find you can have just as much fun without your kids bothering you all day and night.
So fire up the excavator and tell the kids to hold on tight. When we’re done here, son, we’ll strap you into a tractor wheel and send you down the hill. You won’t have this much fun at Disneyworld, I’ll tell ya that.
Awesome Redneck Moment of the Week: June 11
Comedian and celebrated redneck expert Jeff Foxworthy has a bit in his routine where he lists off a list of words and phrases often used by rednecks; words like, “wigeon: ‘I got Budweiser and Coors. Wigeon you want?’” A classic bit, sure, but there are plenty of other mannerisms that can only be expressed visually. Based on the popular YouTube videos titled “Sh*t [insert group] Say/Don’t Say,” a group of guys came up with the long-awaited “Sh*t Redneck Guys Say,” and boy I tell you what, it’s funnier than a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest.
Awesome Redneck Moment of the Week: May 14
Whether or not you’re for hunters using ARs in the field, no one can pass on the chance to shoot at good-looking semi-auto when the opportunity arrives — if you have time, that is. These days, we’re just so bogged down with chores around the house that it’s hard to get out and do some shooting. Well, if you pick up the assault (nail) rifle found by the folks over at There, I Fixed It, you can knock out home improvement and get a little target practice in the process.
Awesome Redneck Moment of the Week: April 9, 2012
Well, it looks like it’s time to party, Redneck style.
Awesome Redneck Moment of the Week: April 2, 2012
Let’s be honest: We all love working on our trucks as much as the next guy, but what with having to break a $10 bill for quarters just to clean off your pickup, going to the car wash is a pain in the blessed assessment. You could also try washing it yourself, but who wants to spend all that money on buckets, soap, shammies and rags?
Well, if you’ve got a good sized waterin’ hole nearby, just Bo Duke that puppy into the pond and be done with it. Insurance premiums may skyrocket, sure, but that’s a small price to pay to knock out your chores like a real redneck stuntman.
With the much-awaited opening of The Hunger Games in theaters, a movie in which the main character is a teenaged girl who hunts with a bow to provide for her family and ultimately to save her life, debate has raged on the blogosphere over whether the movie glorifies hunting or reflects the overall brutality of the futuristic society it portrays. In the movie, as it does in the book, hunting is portrayed as an admirable skill that promotes self-reliance, courage and respect for life — attributes many of today’s hunters will readily recognize in their own sporting lives. In fact, Katniss, the main character, exhibits more compassion and a reluctance to kill her fellow human than the city-dwelling Capitol residents who watch the games for fun.
The Hunger Games has garnered some positive press, particularly for women hunters, but may remain an oddity in that respect coming from Hollywood, for there remains abundant examples of movies and television programs that exhibit everything from total ignorance about hunting to a pointed effort to ridicule the tradition as being participated in by brutish louts bent on the destruction of every living thing in the forest. Here are some of the worst offenders.
- • March 14, 2012 • No comments
Awesome Redneck Moment of the Week: March 12, 2012
We love our grannies for all the love and cookies they give us, and we especially love when our grannies get a little snippy. Granny loves her family, but boy howdy, does she hate those morons who try quickdraw her for her change purse. Granny doesn’t mess around, you know, and when she pulls that MP40 out of her bag, you better head for the hills, son — and you better cover your toodles on the way there.
We know this is an old video, but we just couldn’t help but share a classic.• March 5, 2012 • 6 comments
Awesome Redneck Moment of the Week: March 5, 2012
Imagine for a second you’re a squirrel. There you are, running around with a bunch of nuts in your mouth, when you wander onto someone’s porch. Next thing you know, you’re flying majestically across the backyard! You’re not sure how it happened, but luckily, some good ole’ boys inside got the whole thing on video.
You’re never going to live this one down, Mr. Squirrel; better just scamper back to your tree, crack open a PBR and get ready for a long, cold winter.
Awesome Redneck Moment of the Week: Feb. 20, 2012
Ah, the winnebago. Perfect for when you want to hit the road, but still don’t want to leave the home. Well, if your home is a van down by the river, what’s stopping you from converting that old beater into something vaguely resembling an RV? The good folks over at There I Fixed It were quick to point out the message on the back — looks like no one’s safe from a down economy.
All year, we spend time preparing for deer season, turkey season, really any hunting season — but what about wedding season?
Some hunting folks take that one seriously, too. Because who doesn’t dream of the perfect camo-inspired wedding celebration? We’ve all been fascinated by My Big Redneck Wedding on TV. Well, now you can recreate your own redneck nuptials.
From finding the perfect mossy oak dress to pairing bright orange tuxedo vests with hunting boots, here are some photos that just might inspire your own down-home “I Do.”
Awesome Redneck Moment of the Week: Jan. 9, 2012
These days, it’s pretty expensive to drive up to one of them fancy-schmancy waterparks with their huge slides and equally huge pee-to-water ratio. Why fork over all that cash when you can have just as much fun in your own backyard?
Well, if that’s the route you’re willing to take, just do at least one smart thing:
werewear a helmet.
Awesome Redneck Moment of the Week: Jan. 2, 2012
The first Redneck moment of the new year had to be great. It had to be extra rednecky. It had to be over the top. May we present to you the first and only redneck pimp in existence. He’s got a gas tank between his legs and a fine country lady at his back. God Bless America.
Awesome Redneck Moment of the Week: Dec. 19, 2011
Rollers are just so expensive. Natural Ice is just so cheap. Makes perfect sense to us. We bet she even had half of a 30-pack left to guzzle down before the wedding. She will be the most beautiful bride ever, her cousin is one lucky man.
Awesome Redneck Moment of the Week: Dec. 5, 2011
You have a pet possum. You feel like you need to share that fact with the world. Why not include said pet in the family portrait? Seems logical to us…in a very awesomely redneck way.
Since first appearing in 1893 as a derogatory term to describe less educated, rural, lower-class Southern whites, the word “redneck” continues to serve as a slanderous putdown by some, and worn as a badge of country pride and honor by others. From Jeff Foxworthy’s famed “You might be a redneck” lines to Charlie Daniels singing about the world needing “a few more rednecks,” the prideful declaration that one is a redneck has expanded far beyond the South to describe folks of rural nature and proclivities across all of America.
But still, whether you consider yourself a redneck, hillbilly, good ole’ boy, country girl or whatnot, there remains a number of terms used — particularly in conjunction with hunting or while in camp — that, well, probably quite simply just should not be. But then, who better than the hunters of America to make that decision? Here then are 13 hunting slang terms that we think are best left at the gate to the trailer park when you head for the woods.×
Awesome Redneck Moment of the Week: Nov. 7, 2011
“Wild Child” Benny Smalls ain’t scared of nothin’. That includes heights, fire, sharp objects, falling concrete, concussions, lots of blood and short-term memory loss.
Still, something leads us to believe he didn’t really think this one through.
Redneck Moment of the Week: Oct. 31, 2011
Talk about your motor homes.
OK, it’s not as big and fancy as some of those behemoth RVs, but you can be sure that when this baby hits 30 mph, you’re gonna see some serious horsepower. WARNING: Brakes not included.
Awesome Redneck Moment of the Week: Oct. 24, 2011
We couldn’t figure out what was more painful: kissing the concrete or the humiliation of letting every internet basement dweller in on how you nearly ripped your ear off. Let the empty bottles nearby serve as a stark reminder that moonshine is not a performance enhancing drug.
That jump may look easy at first, but Matt Hoffman you ain’t. This is redneck gold for sure.
Awesome Redneck Moment of the Week: Oct. 17, 2011
We won’t say the Screamin’ Beaver Tube Slide isn’t a good time; for all we know, folks have as much fun as the cracked-out beaver on this billboard.
We just wish they would have come up with a better name, now that our Google searches have raised a few eyebrows in the IT department. This little Montana gem certainly deserves a redneck tip o’ the cap.