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“Bigfoot Found” Episode 1: Manifesto

by Conrad Evarts   |  August 4th, 2011 13

Bigfoot Found Manifesto:

bigfootIn cooperation with the Sasquatch Assimilation Society, I am making a documentary around their integration efforts of a very special Sasquatch in the Helena, Montana area. The circumstances around the Mt. Helena Sasquatch give the leadership at S.A.S. hope that he is a very good candidate for integration. This is ground breaking work in the fight against anti-Sasquatchism in America.

The documentary is called “Bigfoot Found” and will be aired in segments exclusively on my blog; “The View Through My Dirty Lens”.

Sasquatch Assimilation Society mission: To fight wild man loneliness through the integration of Sasquatches, Big Foots (Feets?), Skunk Apes, Yetis and North Idahoans into mainstream American society.

Our effort is in direct opposition to horribly offensive and politically insensitive shows like Finding Bigfoot. We at S.A.S. can not ethically stand by and watch this attack on Sasquatches across North America. In fact we are calling for a boycott of all products that advertise on “Finding Bigfoot”.

Wikipedia, which is always right, states that Sasquatch (Sesquac if you want to be an insider) is a Salish word meaning “wild man”.

Why do I care about Sasquatch? I identify with Sasquatch. He’s socially inept, loves the outdoors is known as a wild man. Believe it or not, was the mascot of my community college. We call him “Skitch”. I don’t really care for this name, but out of loyalty to my alma mater, Spokane Community College, I’ll stick with it.

This is going to be a wild journey combining anthropology, interspecies contact, primatology, ethnohorticultre, hypnotherapy, astrology, dangerology and a bunch of other big terms you’ll never hear from those punks on “Finding Bigfoot”.

  • Ron

    Now this, is going to be awsome!

  • short blood trail

    she's compassionate. will she assimilate you conrad?

    • Conrad Evarts

      I am open to her giving it a strong effort. Keep your fingers crossed.

  • Josh

    "Probably could be considered racist" hahahahah

  • Daniel King

    Dr. White has her work cut out for her! Sasquatch prejudice has been overlooked for too long! I look forward to future episodes!

  • Shane

    Mr. Evarts, I have a bone to pick with your article. Sir, you say, "He’s socially inept, loves the outdoors is known as a wild man." Do you have any idea how long Sasquatch has struggled to shed such stereotypes? Not all Sasquatches are socially inept. Some have integrated quite well in Alaska. You can't even tell the difference between the average bush pilot and a Sasquatch. And as to their love of the outdoors, that is such a gross generalization that I won't even dignify it with a remark. Well, okay, I will. It's not true. Some Sasquatches hate getting dirty or sweating. Some have terrible pollen allergies that make time outdoors almost unbearable. Your intentions seem to be good, so please, please, please be careful when offering such generalizations.

    • Conrad Evarts

      Good insights Shane. I appreciate you joining the conversation. This is a very complex issue and subtleties and political correctness are in the "weak" column for me. We need sensitive minds like yours in this struggle.

      I do think though that I can safely say, prior to successful integration they do generally smell like a third world locker room in summertime.

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  • theman

    your an idiot!

  • razor

    So are you theman, the word you wanted to use is "you're" not your.

  • Andrew

    Not sure of the point. Why are you set to integrate the wild man. The way I look at it he has the life. It is the stupid animals (humans) that need to integrate. Is that not what us outdoor people are atempting. He is always welcome at my camp. I may lern something.

  • Melissa Bachman

    Great Post…loved your video!

  • Elli

    too funny

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