December 14, 2011
It's the magical time of year when we gather around to sing Christmas carols, take awkward photos and watch African cats feeding on ungulates.
Maybe we missed that claymation holiday special, but apparently Puerto Rican mayor Jorge Santini and his family believe it to be an integral part of the Christmas season, sending out this card that depicts a taxidermized scene worthy of Chuck Testa with the proclamation, "May this Christmas illuminate your dreams."
The card landed the family on Awkward Family Photos, baffling millions of Internet-meisters who apparently don't remember the forgotten verse of "Do You Hear What I Hear?" in which said scene unfolds.
Well, regardless of whether the brutal -- yet natural -- predator-prey dynamic belongs among the ranks of Rudolph, Frosty and Baby Jesus in Christmas symbolism, we at Petersen's Hunting only wish our cards could be as badass as these....the best we did with our cards is a Wal-Mart bargain box card with Snoopy on the front. Maybe we could get a leopard to eat Snoopy, but he's a cartoon, so that's out.
Of course, there are those out there who oppose Santini's, er, message, saying the card is a political threat. Maybe these guys really are threatened, or maybe they're not awesome enough to handle the carnage unfolding while Santini and his family coolly look on. It just simply takes a big set of balls to send this card to Grandma. I'm sure she'll get the message loud and clear: "My family will eat you, straight up, National Geographic-style. Deal with it."
One thing is for sure: If any of us ever received this incredible bloodbath of a Christmas card, well, our dreams would certainly be illuminated, along with everything we once thought was cool.
This post is Chuck Testa approved!