"Bigfoot Found" Episode 1: Manifesto

Bigfoot Found Manifesto:

In cooperation with the Sasquatch Assimilation Society, I am making a documentary around their integration efforts of a very special Sasquatch in the Helena, Montana area. The circumstances around the Mt. Helena Sasquatch give the leadership at S.A.S. hope that he is a very good candidate for integration. This is ground breaking work in the fight against anti-Sasquatchism in America.

The documentary is called "Bigfoot Found" and will be aired in segments exclusively on my blog; "The View Through My Dirty Lens".

Sasquatch Assimilation Society mission: To fight wild man loneliness through the integration of Sasquatches, Big Foots (Feets?), Skunk Apes, Yetis and North Idahoans into mainstream American society.

Our effort is in direct opposition to horribly offensive and politically insensitive shows like "Finding Bigfoot". We at S.A.S. can not ethically stand by and watch this attack on Sasquatches across North America. In fact we are calling for a boycott of all products that advertise on "Finding Bigfoot".

Wikipedia, which is always right, states that Sasquatch (Sesquac if you want to be an insider) is a Salish word meaning "wild man".

Why do I care about Sasquatch? I identify with Sasquatch. He's socially inept, loves the outdoors is known as a wild man. Believe it or not, was the mascot of my community college. We call him "Skitch". I don't really care for this name, but out of loyalty to my alma mater, Spokane Community College, I'll stick with it.

This is going to be a wild journey combining anthropology, interspecies contact, primatology, ethnohorticultre, hypnotherapy, astrology, dangerology and a bunch of other big terms you'll never hear from those punks on "Finding Bigfoot".