August 22, 2011
"Bigfoot Caught on Tape in Den" This is a game changer of a headline in our world, the world of Sasquatch Integration. Throughout the years of Sasquatch sightings, it is always video or film of Sasquatches walking. Through careful tracking and research, we changed all that. We stalked in and obtained this incredible video of Skitch in his den. This video is shocking and gives us insights that will not only propel the mission of Sasquatch integration into a new era, but also clearly show that Skitch is doing his own research on us and what it takes to live among us. This is more effort than certain East African immigrants from a nation known for its pirating ways make. I won't name names, but it rhymes with Thomalia. What we see here in this video indicates we don't need to worry about Sasquatch isolation in all
Sasquatch ghettos refusing to learn the language or the customs, nor will we be cursed with ATM's that have one more language selection and politically correct, Sasquatch accessible buttons the size of hubcaps.
A few things you'll notice in the video that indicates his readiness for assimilation are:
1) The wig. He's trying to cover his trademark drive in theater sized forehead.
2) John Cougar Mellencamp CD. He's trying.
3)Ugg Boots. He's trying and failing.
All this being said, this amazing video clearly incited the anti-Sasquatchists. They moved into action but remain hidden behind their keyboards like the cowards they are. This groundbreaking blog was meant to be posted last Monday while I was in Scotland, but due to intense hacking efforts it was delayed for a solid week until I could get home and handle the situation. So here it is. Prepare to have your paradigm shifted forever.
By the way, while in Scotland, I did engage in some high level talks with the Loch Ness Monster Assimilation Society. Our talks of cooperation and becoming sister organizations collapsed after I told them they sounded like pirates and I couldn't understand anything they said. Frankly, lets be real here, there's no Loch Ness Monster. There I said it. You're welcome.